Your life doesn't matter on Facebook

For those of you who use diaries, Twitter, and, oh hello, BLOG SITES, then good for you. For those of you who use Facebook to post some of your crushing stories, then you can find me deleting you. If you oppose to what I have to say, again, you can find me deleting you.

I apologize for my rude comments about this, but it just fascinates me how wonderful people abuse the Facebook STATUS. IT IS CALLED A FACEBOOK STATUS...NOT DIARY. NOT COUNSELOR. NOT PERSONAL THERAPIST. LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT. If you are going to try and argue with me, don't expect a response from me arguing otherwise because I simply don't have the time and money -and care- to express my views completely. I don't understand why there are people who want to post things about their lives such as "Everyone meet at _______ and watch my ex-boyfriend try and beg on his knees for me to give back his jacket. Once a cheater always a cheater. I never loved you, you son of a $@&%^, so leave me alone. Everyone look at John Doe's Facebook and comment him that he's a liar and a cheater. I didn't think it would end this way, but it did. I don't want anyone to respond to this, so please don't. I remember when we used to run to each other, but now he is the one I run away from." Yes. ALL of this goes onto one status. STATUS. ALL OF THIS. STATUS. I have to admit that it is a tad bit interesting to see what's going on, but then it keeps going on forever.

Do you not have the dignity to post it elsewhere? Maybe, TWITTER? People have those things because they want to know every single detail about your life, and that's why they follow you and read what you say. And that's why I deleted mine. Facebook...not so much. Facebook is used to keep in touch with people. You may say the telling of your entire life is a way to keep in touch becauseNO NO NO NO IT ISN'T, IDIOTS. If you're going to talk about someone, don't flood my homepage with why your boyfriend, friend, parents, grandmother, teacher, dragon, pet, dog, dolphin, velociraptor is being such a bitch. We heard it once, we don't need to hear it again. If we wanted to hear more, there's something called "messaging", where it's private.

Also, there are people who post up their days and how it went, what they did, where they went, what time, and how. Need I say more? Get a life...or, better yet, get a Twitter or a blog account.

Awe

I think I'm going to be sick. Technically, I am sick due to the fever, and quite possibly a cold, but I am now beginning to feel nauseous because of mental feelings. I'm a strange woman, and unfortunately, as a woman, I clearly think too much. I have a wonderful load on my shoulders and I don't know how to deal with it. It's nothing major, but it's making me nauseous. I can't exactly state what my dilemma is, but I think I should just say it's time to move on. I've been keeping my head up in the clouds over someone I hardly even know and for what? There's nothing I can do about it. Oddly enough, I think we crossed paths at a theme park filled with millions of people. That's where I draw my line. He (or at least it might have been him) had his arm around a girl too. I've done my research (although I won't say what lead me to speculate...ahem, Facebook), and I believe the chances that it was him are much higher than none. Then again, I am a woman. Damn us.

This may seem a bit dramatic (just a bit?), but I honestly cannot help myself. I feel it may be genetic! I tried to tell myself that I'm being incredibly stupid, but, to be honest with you, this is taking over my life. I'm indecisive, uncooperative, mentally insane, mentally insane, confused, mentally insane...WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS WORLD? Everything I've just encountered couldn't have POSSIBLY been coincidence. I am seriously going crazy here. Of all places...and of all people. I mean, I would have imagined myself to come across Austin Powers than this guy at (insert theme park here). After this incident, I refuse to believe in coincidences.

I am no longer a sane woman.

Dumb Wasted

No, not me. I am not talking about myself here. I am talking about the other people who drink and become wasted and throw themselves onto other people without even knowing it. Either that, or you've become a ditz. Either that, or both. Either that, or you've just dumbed yourself down in front of everyone no matter who you are, or where you're from. Cut the bullshit, and drink responsibly. Drink maturely. If that's even a word.

It's 4:52 in the morning and I just came home from a little Halloween-like party. I didn't know anyone except for the people I drove with. We drank. We talked. We laughed. Then, I sat back and let myself be myself. As I sobered up (I wasn't even drunk to begin with), I looked around me and my friends and realized how much stupidity circulates through the air, or rather, our drinks. There was a cute guy (the only one) there and two of my friends had drunk apparently more than they could handle. One friend was just hopping all over the place, and all over the guy -eventually she asked for his number, while the other was so close to him I bet my money she was capable of telling me how many moles were on his face. They were all over him at the same time too. Literally. So them hovering over (insert cute guy's name here) made this guy look like a celebrity, pretty much.

Now, of course, I'll admit I am a bit "buzzed" at the moment, but I know the difference between stupid and stupid. Granted, this night was fun only because I was able to observe my friends in their not-so-natural habitat while making some new friends. I just find it a bit odd the way people act. It's somewhat humiliating as well. I would rather be the wallflower of the party than make a fool out of myself in front of people I just met. My friends looked like they were desperate high schoolers trying to fit in with the big kids. We're in college. How embarrassing. Seeing how clumsily they basically threw themselves at this guy made me want to stay sober enough to control my own mind, and body. I have a headache. I usually sleep at around 11. It's officially 5 in the morning. Good morning!

Last Minute

With Halloween around the corner, I figured I'd find myself dodging trick-or-treaters this year -again- by hanging around the movie theaters with my brother who, like me, is too old to be ringing doorbells for small sacrificial edibles from strangers who are capable of killing more than 50% of the world. Well, I was wrong. My friend is coming down from college this weekend and convinced me to dress up with her for a Halloween party. It could possibly be fun, but unfortunately I am in short of a costume and even a costume idea. So here is where I can make a physical note-to-self of a few costume potentials. Enjoy:

1. Indian
2. ...princess (yes, I said princess)
3. Cave woman (?)
4. Modern Hippie (think MGMT)
5. 70's Hippie (think MGMT)
6. A (cute) bear
7. Cat
8. Pirate
9. Witch
10. (something with a) Toga
11. Gangster (what...I'm just throwing in ideas)
12. Lady GaGa's meat suit

Not For You to Take

Pardon my ignorance
But, dear, I must say
You're looking quite ravishing
Your eyes brighter than ever
That glow that seeps
Through the skin of yours and mine
I'm afraid I have lost myself
In a world that's of your time
Lovely and delicate
Your words do so catch
Astonishingly intricate
But who are you, if I may ask
You walk through a daydream
Like it's nothing to you
What is your business?
Are you here to amuse?
When the sun sleeps for me
And the stars come out to sing
Those misguided steps
They're here for me to see
We dance and frolic
'Til the sunlight's array
Careful and trusted
For together, we are made
My memories deceive me
I believe in only lies
The tango we compete in
Are merely tempted tries
Sadly, but truthfully
You are better than awake
If to close one's eyes
Is to open one's dreams
Then leave me to slumber
For you are not what it seems
I'll love you by midnight
But surely you will leave
I'll search through the sunlight
It is your touch that I crave
Why rob me of perception?
If all you do is hurt?
Please, show me your beauty
I really know not what's worse

...For someone I know nothing of,
Why are you still here?
You're becoming a burden to me, sir.

-Me.

Not Worth Reading. Or Is It?

I'm a liar.

I'm a thief. 

I'm a lover.

I'm a _____.

There's not too much that rhymes with "thief" that would logically fit into the blank. Anyway, I have just a few things on my mind that maybe should be put into actual words rather than just pictures, and shapes in my head. First thought: I have no thoughts. Second thought: Now I'm just trying to pull out something interesting from my ass. 

I bought a bandeau today from American Apparel. It was much too expensive, but I bought it anyway in order to show myself that I'm not a frugal, money-loving old hag. I'm not old, by the way. 

I'm thinking a lot of random thoughts right now even though I recently stated I have no thoughts. However, if I had no thoughts, then how was I able to think I have no thoughts? Wouldn't that be a thought itself? Time for the Philosoraptor! 

What does it take for people to read these blogs? What are the chances someone will stumble upon mine, and actually read what stupidity I have to offer? I really don't have much to say. 

Well I'm going to find something to do instead of writing about things that are not a part of my expertise. What is my area of expertise, anyway? Meh. 

Down the hole again I go

I am officially sick and tired of people telling me that someone is, no matter who, is better than me. Under certain conditions, I know there are better people out there that exceed my own knowledge, but that does not mean I need to be highly aware of it. Do these people not have any common sense whatsoever to know that it isn't exactly the nicest thing to tell someone that, yeah, you're good, but a certain someone is better than you. It sucks even more than the person who is apparently better than you standing to your right. Awesome. Just awesome. Way to bring down my already low self-esteem, dude. After I was able to find myself out of the shit hole, someone just had to pound me back into it.

I believe I may be forever stuck in it unless I actually take my sorry ass to another area where I can make a new person out of myself. It would be so nice to just start fresh and meet new people who don't know you, vice versa. I'm tired of being stuck with the same people who tell me the same negative things over and over again and don't get the hint that it brings me down. If it's a joke, then find a good thick needle and some sewing thread and sew your mouth shut until you realize what emotions and feelings are and how they can be affected by such harsh words.

Then, don't make it worse by realizing you could have said something nicer and correct yourself. Honey, you're already in trouble. You dug your hole way to deep and there is no way anyone can hear you, let alone see you. So don't be digging a bigger hole by attempting to make the situation better by saying, "Wait...but you're really good at it too! Maybe even better!" Really? I mean, come on. Really. You are embarrassing both me and yourself, sweetheart. Do me and everyone else you've hurt a favor and shut up. Or better yet, try  a new technique that this world has been doing for thousands of years...THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK OR DON'T SPEAK AT ALL. It's as simple as that. Unless you really don't have common sense. You know, something you've been telling me I DON'T have. Hi, it looks like I do have common sense since I'm correcting your own stupidity and not mine. What is wrong with you? Seriously. Are you that dumb that you don't know what hurts people and what doesn't? Well, but then again there are people who don't know the difference between right and wrong these days.

I want to know...are you the only one in this world who does this? Or are there people who just can't think anymore? I wouldn't be surprised if you are the only one though. I mean, normal people don't laugh hysterically after saying something harsh. Guess what? You're the only one laughing at your "joke". Actually, I don't think you think it's a joke. I think you were being serious the time you told me my brother was better than me on so many levels. We had the exact same thing wrong and we took the exact same time looking at the memory exam. Cool? Cool.

No Title

"Whatever you are, be a good one." -Abe Lincoln (1809-1865)

It may be a cliche quote, but this really hit the spot for me. I apologize for such a depressing post yesterday (although, I may just be talking to myself here). When I heard this not too long after I published my last post, I realized how much I'm throwing away. Ok, sure, I suppose I can't always be who I want to be based on what I see in other people. That's the problem, and that's why I can't be other people...because I'm not. Don't take me for an egotistical person, but people once envied me because I was just trying to be the best I, [insert name here], can be. It's all different now because I tried so hard to stand out even more and get more people to want to be me that I became everyone else. Make sense? I guess not, but in my head it does. In other words, I became a person who wasn't my true self.

I know this may be such a typical post, but I finally realized how good it feels to come to the conclusion that being yourself is the best way to go. If I want to be a better person, then so be it, but don't change WHO YOU ARE. I tried to be a rich person. I tried to be a business woman. I tried to be serious. I'm not any of those. I'm middle class. I'm an English major who loves to create things from my mind, not through negotiation. I'm a wreck. That's who I am. Who are you?

I need to learn how to turn things around starting now. I guess I can start by cleaning my place up. Hey, it's a start. Physical well-being can lead to a healthy mindset. So cleaning cleans me. That was stupid.

Oops.

Shit. I feel bad. I always hurt those who try so hard to make me happy. The sad thing is, I do know what I'm doing at my current state. I know if it is wrong or not. I just can't help but satisfy my emotions and release how I really feel. I need psychotherapy. Wow, and this Disney music randomly playing on my iTunes is really lightening my mood. I'm not being sarcastic either. I think I use too many commas in my blogs and posts, commas, posts, dumb. I'm starting to hate the looks of commas now. I'm not making any sense right now. Seriously (comma) I need therapy (period) (me going nuts)

"Nobody said it was easy"

Agreed. I can't come up with a reason to why I have been feeling so down lately. Is it the ever-changing weather? Is it because my motivation has lowered since this semester of college began? Is it just me? I am to the point where even my tear ducts are telling me to shut up. I do not understand why my life has decided to take a wrong turn and why I my moods are just like the weather I am trying to endure. Worry not, this is far from a suicide note. Like I stated in my earlier post, there are people around me who constantly get what they want so easily. Today, in my sociology class, we discussed the issue on social classes. My professor stated that some people just don't have the capability to get to what is considered the "american dream", and he's right. Don't get me wrong, they are probably the hardest workers out there, but with how things are today, achieving the american dream is far from reach. As for people who are already in the top five percentile, all they have to worry about is just accidentally stepping on people's toes while on their way to the vault their daddy gave them, complete with their names engraved with a diamond border and a giant 14 ft. tall German Shepard to guard this precious vault. Maybe that didn't make sense...my point is, I found this subject to be surprisingly sensitive to me. I have always been a frugal son of a mother, and spending has always been tight in my family, but I never realized that actually talking about it would be so difficult. Ok, I don't even know if I'm getting off topic, and this is my post. That's a bad sign. So back to why you should pity me...I can't get anywhere!

"If you want something that bad, then you will find a way to get it."
"Motivation is key. Find it, and unlock that door."
"It's either you sit there on your ass whining about your life, or you go out and book 'em."
"Only you have the power to decide what you want for yourself."

Ok, people. I get it. I've argued about my own life with myself. I have come to a conclusion. I do give a damn. However, I do not have the strength to do anything about it. I don't mean to be a "Debbie Downer", but I'm just not feeling it both physically and mentally. Physically, I feel like my heart is broken and my legs refuse to walk or move anywhere. Mentally, well, you know. Hopefully, if there is anyone sane enough to read this, I don't bring anyone's hopes down. It might be my birth control pills. I doubt it, but for the sake of my audience, its is, in fact, my birth control pills. Case closed.

Nocturnal and Dumb

I was beginning to think my name was nonexistent elsewhere in the world until I, sadly, googled myself and founds several other people. This made me quite angry because now my name is beginning to flourish when before I was the only person to have it. Well, aside from the things that don't matter...I can't sleep. My biological clock is completely messed up = fatigue, weight gain, and nausea. No, I am not pregnant either. I can tell you that I am 100% not pregnant, so don't go on playing doctor. Question: Can you bear with me while my sanity goes flying through the window? Here's a story to entertain myself for the night as I try to fall asleep.

A Martian, not too shabby of a creature, comes crashing down on Earth in the middle of [a fictional, obviously] an island called Merrcan. With his (for the sake of a story let us pretend he is of the male gender, although maybe aliens do not have a gender) smile so bright and his heart so big, there was no one who had the right state of mind to refuse him from inhabiting their area peacefully. He was as peaceful as an enlightened Buddha. Now, you can't get any more peaceful than that. Anyway, this Martian was the definition of love. Children wanted to play with him, and adults craved to converse with him even though he just barely picked up the language of the Merrcans. One day, a young gentleman named Prometheus Melville Bo Jackson became enraged that the innocent Martian was taking over the island. With his anger, he vouchered to have him sent back to his planet. Prometheus Melville Bo Jackson was a powerful man. He had ten fingers and ten toes. His eyes were as blue as the man he once killed. He ate whole grain bread. He killed the Martian and there was much controversy around the world. The end and bonne nuit.

Secret #1

I have always wanted to be famous. Cliche? Yes. For me? No. I see people all around me I once knew in high school getting what they want already. I have yet to even scratch at my goals to becoming the next trending topic on Twitter. Just recently I was able to do what I believe I do best in front of my closest friends...the friends I have been close to SINCE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Now you can roll your eyes. Yes, I'm a shy one. I can play the guitar. I can sing - apparently. I'm just shy as pho. Literally, I had my friends turn a certain direction just so I can feel comfortable about singing and playing. Even with my ridiculous requests, my hands and voice still shook. They suggested I try the infamous YouTube as the first hurdle. Maybe I can beat Justin Bieber and give everyone yellow fever. Funny. Are you kidding me? Record myself for the world to see? I'll admit it, I have got the lowest self-esteem ever and that would be the last thing I would attempt. This whole famous deal...I am trying to hard to be patient. I need hope. Confidence? One day.

Anyone interested in filling my position?

I have been a half of one for quite some time now (since my single-digit days to be exact) and until now I can never find the right state of mind to be content. To put it simply, I am the worse half between me and my best friend. I am not usually the type to gossip about other people -lie- and I sure am not the type to allow jealousy to rule my life -again, a lie- so what's the big deal? Everything. And everything is what she gets. EveryONE is what she gets. How is this possible?! I am sure odds exist against her, however, she is completely and utterly IMMUNE to odds! With the economy running amok, there is no way I can compete with perfection. (Brace yourself for the cliche phrase of the evening...) Ignorance is bliss. That said, I believe my world would have been able to function a tiny bit better if she had stopped smearing her accomplishments -which, by the way, should have been mine to take- in my now-putrid face. I know what you're saying (if there's even an audience to listen), "Um, girl, you're one jealous son of a beeswax." Sure. "You need to just find the right place to be happy for her. If you're her best friend, you would be happy for her." Whateva. "Um, girl, you're one jealous son of a bitch." Ok. I GET IT. I know what responses linger in the shadows for me. Trust me, I have tried harder than an erection to live the Eight Fold Way, but, honey, I've found myself running back to the start. Really, trust me. This is why I cannot find a shoulder to lean on in this case because everyone points a finger at me saying I'm the villain. Absolutely NO ONE is playing the role of poor, wretched Cruella De Vil. Maybe, perhaps, my best friend. Shut up, I'm kidding. Am I supposed to be patiently waiting for something better to approach me? Is it even possible that there is something better? I'll find out...because right now, all I'm getting is a wonderful kick in the chode. 

Hello, my name is:

Anonymous, obviously. I have had my share of creepers online so I would rather learn my lesson and keep myself...to myself. I can, however, tell you that I enjoy quiet nights alone listening to guitar riffs and Beethoven. I wish I had money so I can give it away to people who really need it, but unfortunately I am a student living on welfare (or pretty much I'm an adult living off of allowance from my parents because I just quit my aweful job). Water. Whales. Eco friendly. Friendly friendly. Enthusiastic! Studious. Hard working and goal oriented. Haha..no. I really don't find myself attractive due to the carefree things I do, but if you prefer to see someone who isn't so materialistic, then HI, HELLO. Let's be friends and save the world from ourselves :]